Time for something serious.
Now, just as a warning, this is not me lashing out at any of my friends that do this, but it’s something that I really feel I need to share because it’s a serious and sensitive issue that either people are not aware of, or think about when saying the things that they do. I’m more so lashing out at the fact that it happens. Why?
Rape.
Have you ever heard the expressions that follow:
“Oh man. That math exam totally raped me.”
“I was playing BioShock last night, and the Big Daddies raped me so hard.”
“The Louis Vuitton purse I bought yesterday, like, raped my daddy’s bank account. I hope he’s not angry.”
Totally made that last phrase up by the way, but it was the only thing I could think of to say from a girl’s point of view.
Rape. Was that word really that necessary to include in that sentence? No, because you see, all of the above events wereconsensual. And you may argue that you were forced to take that exam, or even go to school, or that you didn’t ask for the game designers to create such a difficult enemy to defeat, or that it’s not your fault that Louis Vuitton put such a high price tag on their items. To that I would say you could have studied for that exam and good luck getting a job without receiving a high school education (Yes. It can be done, but it doesn’t make life easy.), and you knew what you were getting yourself into when you bought the game, and if you didn’t, that’s why things like game reviews exist in print and on-screen format. As for the bag, does it really need to be a high-end designer bag? It isn’t making you look any less of a spoiled brat. At least get a knock-off. They’re much more affordable.
My point is that rape is not consensual. It is a forced action of a sexual nature onto another person to make them feel uncomfortable, harassed, and/or abused. In some cases, hopefully not most, the cherry on top would be to end the rape with murder. Not so funny, right? Definitely not to be taken so lightly.
My friends from the University of Alberta should remember this. I believe it was within our first month of first year, may have even been the first week, those of us living in the residences were told that we would be attending a presentation put on by a Mr. Mike Domitrz. It was called, “Can I Kiss You?” Sounds ridiculous, right? You’re going out for a date with someone who you’re hoping will be your lifelong partner. At the end of the date, they usually end up at someone’s door. And in that moment when you’re saying good night and “I’ll call you later,” you look into each other’s eyes and it just feels right. You should go in for the kiss, right? I mean, it’s clear that the other person wants it too… Or do they? It is that moment right there that could make both parties totally connected… Or it could be the moment that makes one party extremely uncomfortable. The other party went in for the kiss, and you weren’t ready, but you would have felt totally awkward not mirroring the gesture, so despite the fact that you did not consent to it, you did it anyway. Sure in the long run, you may just shrug it off because your relationship with this person is absolutely fantastic, but you also may not. There may be plentiful more instances like this, but you’re too afraid to stand your ground. I realize something like that so small seems like it’s not a big deal, and it may not be, but it could evolve into something much larger, and even dangerous.
People might say I’m overreacting. Really? Because when you think about it, I doubt it would be very funny if you yourself got sexually assaulted, or a family member, a friend. Before Mike’s presentation, I didn’t think I knew anyone who had been sexually assaulted, and thinking about it now, I did. I almost just said that I hadn’t but yes, I did. And after Mike’s presentation, I knew of more. Hell, so many of my friends could have been sexually assaulted in the past, and I just wouldn’t know. Why? BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT IT. People who have been sexually assaulted feel humiliated. Embarrassed. Ashamed. Why? WHY should they feel that way? It’s crazy and absolutely ridiculous that of every feeling to have, it’s those. Not angry, not vengeful. They feel bad about THEMSELVES. I don’t understand it. I just don’t understand it. They feel so bad about themselves that they don’t want to tell anyone because they fear being pitied, receiving those looks of sympathy. How sad is it to think that within your very home or in your circle of friends, there could be someone who is hurting inside and they simply cannot gather the courage to tell someone?
I’m sure someone you know has been a victim. Could be a boy or a girl, a man or a woman, gay or straight, your brother or sister, your mom or dad, your son or daughter, your (best) friend, your teacher, your student, your co-worker, your neighbour, your partner, etc. And at some point, they will muster up that courage to tell someone, and that someone may be you. And you know what? You may not be ready. You may not know what to say, but if there is anything I remember from Mike, it’s this; If and when that someone does open up to you about this traumatic event that has affected their life, please, don’t say that you’re “sorry.” Say, “Thank you.” Thank them for giving you the honour of knowing that they trust you, that they respect you, and that they love you. Look them straight in the eyes and tell them this and tell them that you’ll be there for them. Always. You’ll be the ear that will listen whenever they need their voice to be heard. The friend or whomever that will hold their hand and help guide them through the process of healing. It will take some time. It’s not something that can just be shrugged off. Hell, it may affect them their entire life, but don’t stop being at their side, but knowing that they are not alone will help them get by.
I went to see Mike’s presentation twice. I didn’t have to see it the second time, but I enjoyed it so much that I had to re-experience it. If you ever get the opportunity to listen to Mike, I HIGHLY recommend that you do. You can visit his website here:http://www.canikissyou.com/ Really, REALLY great public speaker. Definitely puts on a good show. It’s hard to not want to give him a standing ovation. He’s truly quite a remarkable individual. You know what makes this presentation so great? Because the topic touches him personally. His sister was sexually assaulted, and you know what? He was angry. He was furious. He wanted to avenge his sister and you know what she says to him? “Are you OK?” She just went through a very traumatizing experience and she is the one asking him if he’s OK. I’m not lying when I say that it was that at that moment that tears were sliding down my face.
So to conclude, the word “rape”. Just don’t say it. Just don’t. Find a more eloquent way to express yourself and leave the R word for when it really needs to be said; when you or someone you know is gathering the courage to tell a loved one.
Thank you. That’s all I wanted to say.
/end rant
Oh. And here’s a fact you might enjoy. And by enjoy, not really.
"683,000 forcible rapes occur every year, which equals to 56,916 per month, 1,871 per day, 78 per hour, 1.3 per minute."
- Jeryes
